There are some days where I want to throw up my hands and say “I’m done”. I want to sit in a chair, eat my peanut butter and banana and listen to my CCM station on Pandora for the entire morning while Hayes is at preschool learning something new and interesting. I want to look at my floors and say, “Eh, you look clean enough for a few more days.” I want to tell my piles of laundry to not get any larger for the next several days and I will get to it soon enough. I want to have never said, “Adoption? Oh yes, God, we absolutely want to adopt.” I want to go back to the day I called Rob and said, “India” and before making that phone call telling God we would be perfectly happy to make a compromise and support a child in India rather than actually adopt one.
What if all of that did happen? What if I had neglected my duties as a homemaker today? Laundry would pile up, floors would be sticky, I’d be outside of God’s will and I’d be miserable. I’d be setting a terrible example for my daughter. I’d be telling my husband that Pandora and peanut butter-banana is more important than he is. Worst of all, I’d be telling God that I don’t need His plans because mine are just fine. Maybe it is the weather. Maybe it’s hormones. Maybe it is the extra $2000 we are going to have to shell out JUST for a new home study for international adoption. Regardless of what has moved me to such apathy today, I am clinging to this verse today and am asking you to pray for me, pray for us as we ensue upon a journey I am struggling to see as more than a huge financial weight:
“I know the one in whom I trust, and I am sure that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until the day of His return.” 2 Timothy 1:12