In a couple of days our trek to the D.R. would be going on month four were we still in-country. Instead, we are going on month three of being home with a disrupted adoption under our belt. I honestly thought I had moved beyond the strong emotions that once so closely surrounded our international journey. But just last week when I talked about it, I got choked up and was thankfully interrupted before I became a blubbering mess. Then there were those blasted pictures. I’ve mentioned them before – how they sneak up on me. I cannot bear to delete them because I want to remember the brilliant smile and the dark wide eyes that carried mischief with them. Those images… but then they stir up the anger and sadness and guilt that goes along with them. They remind me of the empty savings accounts and monthly credit card payments. They release a flood of guilt that tells me I failed and could have tried harder.
I’m thankful for the experience we had because we came home changed. We came home with an understanding of somethings our family can do and cannot do. We came home empty vessels that had to seek harder than ever to see the hand of God at work around us. We came home with a love for a country and a culture that was not our own. We came home with a heavier burden for children that have been put aside and told they are not worthy of love. We came home with hearts that were both full and empty because we knew God was in control and had our best interest in mind when He allowed us to accept Raquel’s referral from the beginning but we also knew that our family was going to be incomplete for a while longer.
We don’t know what God has in store for us. Since we’ve been home we have gotten back to a routine of sorts. Hayes is taking gymnastics and dance and has started Kindergarten. Jennifer is teaching Hayes at home and they both seem to enjoy it a lot. Rob has gotten back into a full work schedule plus some. Life seems perfectly normal at times. We take it day by day full of trust and hopefully obedience. We’ll keep you posted as our journey here at home progresses.
So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you! Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God’s will. Then you will receive all that he has promised.